Appreciation Station

It’s the time of year to Be Thankful. 

Most moms I know are thankful—for their kids, their health, having “enough” when they are aware so many don’t have any—and yet… staying grateful is awfully hard. I know that, for me, a complaint is usually just a skip and a breath away. 

And, to be honest, I don’t love the word grateful. 

It sounds formal and a bit scold-y to my ears. You should be grateful! It can also feel transactional. “I am grateful to X for Y,” with all roles—giver, receiver, have-r, need-er—clearly delineated. 

But, as I reflected this Thanksgiving, I got to thinking that maybe this is the point? Human beings need touchstone moments to step out of their egocentric delusions. To see with clear eyes that we are not owed any of this.

We probably need times when are ritually forced into humility, into recognizing our dependence upon one another, upon the Universe, upon the hand of some Mysterious Cosmic Providence.

I don’t like to think of myself as dependent. But I am. 

I never thought before now how gratitude might sit so closely to fear. That I probably struggle to acknowledge my appreciation because acknowledging unearned grace also means acknowledging vulnerability, fragility, and impermanence. 

Photo by rebootanika on Unsplash

So, if feeling grateful sometimes feels hard for you, maybe you’re like me.

Maybe it’s because your gratitude sits close to your fear of losing it all.

Maybe it’s because you’re brushing up against your discomfort with powerlessness and interdependence.

It’s okay to be afraid. And I’m not here to scold you into being grateful.

I will remind you that for now, we are here. Breathing. Being. And I’m so glad we’ve got each other’s help to walk through whatever comes next.

Which means I’m grateful for you.