Changing My Life: August
Managing the Messy Middle
You’ve got a late newsletter this week folks, because I’ve been busy hiding.
In plain sight. (This is one of my superpowers.)
Every time in the past week that I sat down to work on this Substack, I was trailed by a jeering Greek chorus shouting, “Nooo! Don’t talk about thaat!” I guess I’m feeling uncharacteristically sensitive to vulnerability at the moment.
I spent some time getting curious about what’s going on, and I think it’s this:
Right now, I’m in the messy middle with some stuff. I haven’t quite figured out how I want to think about/approach/discuss/frame certain topics/issues/events that are happening around here. (No need for alarm—nothing earth-shaking, mostly small-ish tremors.)
What’s funny is, as soon as I identified and named the knotty uneasiness poking up at me—the messy middle—I felt a tremendous sense of relief.
I’m just in the messy middle. Nothing has gone wrong. Change is always coming, and it’s coming right now, and I’m showing up and doing my my best. Life isn’t always about sunshine and rainbows and “feeling good,” and it’s a-okay that I don’t have it all figured out right this minute.
If you’ve felt “off” this week (or this month, or this year?) maybe you’re in a “messy middle,” too?
If so, here are three things this month that are helping me through the messy middle:
Read, Write, Sit
I’m on nearly 50-day streak of doing the “Miracle Morning,” which is just a slightly cheesy term for a series of things to do first thing in the morning to get your body, mind and spirit ready for your day:
Silence (prayer or meditation)
Affirmations
Visualization
Exercise
Read
Scribe (journal)
S.A.V.E.R.S. As in, lifesavers.
I don’t know if it’s been saving my life, exactly, but I’m especially loving the version I’m currently doing, which I call Read, Write, Sit: read something “inspirational” for a few minutes; free-write for five minutes on wherever the reading took me; then sit in silence/meditation for five minutes.
Even doing this much, which takes all of 15 minutes, has been enough to provide the necessary pocket of resilience I need to get through the current chaos of our back-to-school mornings, as well as a precious space for me to muse about where I want to go next in this messy middle time.
If you want some structure to your morning routine, I highly recommend checking out the Miracle Morning, or maybe just try Read, Write, Sit for a week and see if it’s your jam.
Dashes of Delight
Are you a fair person? Not the right/wrong kind, but the ferris wheel / cotton candy kind?
I decided this month that I AM a fair person! I like the janky funhouse mirrors and the screaming teenagers and the gleeful menu boards chock-full of items tempting you with momentary bliss followed most probably by an evening of regret.
I adore wandering the arts and crafts exhibits, marveling at the inspiring talents of my fellow humans, secretly wondering if I, too, might have some hidden genius in oil paints / building toothpick models / macrame / baking apple pies from scratch with elaborate crusts woven into the shape of a bluebird’s nest.
This year I discovered the PERFECT fair one county over from mine—easy to wander from the rides to the exhibits and then over to the barn to give the goats a quick pet. There were incredible garden displays and the food was interestingly international and we had the best time riding the “baby” rollercoaster over and over again.
I’ve gotten so much pleasure this month listing out everything I love about the fair and reliving the best moments in my mind! If you’re not a fair person, maybe try thinking about something else that gets you jazzed, then ponder, Why?
Make your list; relive your memories. Now say, “I’m a ________ person.” Feels good, doesn’t it? (Ok, now I’m dying to know what you’ve got in that blank! Tell me in the comments!)
Ask for Help
I can’t say I’ve fully put this into practice yet, but I think I’m starting to learn my lesson.
One of my hardest challenges recently was some damn tech crap that I couldn’t solve and I spent HOURS going in circles trying to figure it out. A few days later, I vented to my coach and she offered a solution that had the whole thing fixed up in about 20 minutes flat.
That’s when I wondered why I didn’t just reach out when I was having trouble in the first place.
—Because I didn’t want to “bother” her.
—Because I thought I “should” be able to do it myself.
If you’re struggling today, may I invite you to consider—there may be someone out there you can ask for help.
Sure, maybe they won’t be able to solve it. Life isn’t usually like a math equation or a Meta business suite dashboard with so many damn menus and options that finding and clicking the right one seems hopeless, but just might ultimately unlock the social-posting-integration of your dreams.
But there probably is someone you can call who can listen. Who can offer you options or perspectives you might not be considering.
Who can remind you that you are deeply cared for. That you’re doing a great job. Even if you may be stuck, for now, in a messy middle.