Changing My Life Right Now is my monthly splash of things—ideas, routines, books, podcasts, snacks (mostly popcorn)—that are helping me through the hard at the moment.
Somehow I thought there was another Wednesday in July! And I missed sharing these gems “last month,” but they’re sure as heck still changing my life… What’s a few days between friends? ❤️
Nature. Always.
I swear I saw a flock of about 8 yellow butterflies flitting up together in a swirl outside my back deck. I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen anything like that before so I looked it up online.
Apparently, butterflies spend most of their lives solo, so seeing them flock together like that was rare. (The migratory Monarch thing we all hear about is more about where they make their pit stops. They don’t usually fly as a group.)
There are a few collective nouns for a group of butterflies, two of which are a “kaleidoscope” and a “flutter.” I’d like to add my own suggestions, as the grateful beholder of such awesome beauty:
an inspiration of butterflies
a brilliance of butterflies
a tonic of butterflies
Just recalling the image of them makes my heart swell and I’m putting that image in my pocket to pull out again in any moment I need a boost in the month ahead.
Hit and Run Parenting
I got this idea from something I heard on the “Happier with Gretchen Rubin” podcast. It was presented as a strategy for “Rebel”-type personalities—people who resent being told what to do, be they grown-ups or kids.
What it is
Make your request or state your expectation. Then move on. Don’t stay to watch what happens next or confirm compliance.
Why I need it
I’ve got a kid who runs on an economy of autonomy. His love language is power. Don’t get me wrong, he can be sweet as pie and I know he enjoys being helpful (mostly!).
But he would like for it to be his own idea, thank you very much.
(This dynamic definitely plays into some of our communication challenges.)
How it goes
Deliver a request or expectation. Not by barking like a crazy-lady marine drill sergeant. More like that cool-as-a-cucumber NYC waiter dropping a check and not giving AF that you might want another hit of coffee in your mug before you go.
Then walk away.
-Hey son, could you come down here so we can talk for a minute? (Then walk away from the stairwell.)
-Could we make sure that the garbage cans go out to the curb before you go up to bed tonight? (Then walk away from the table.)
-We’re gonna leave in 10 minutes. Time to stop playing your game and put your shoes on. (Stay long enough to give a shoulder squeeze, tickle a finger on the back of his neck, or sneak a playful threatening finger toward the power button, then walk away while the game is still on.)
How it’s working so far
I’m pretty good at giving orders from my days school-teaching second graders. But my kid is a different beast. When I say jump, his instinct is generally, “Oh, hell, no.”
But when I drop the expectation that he comply immediately and move the heck out of the way, it seems to offer him the space and power he craves to pick that expectation or request up and make it his own.
Does he always do what I ask in the timing I’d prefer? Nope. But it’s been fun to see the times he’s risen to the challenge and surprised me, just by giving him a bit of space and choice to work out how to get the thing done for himself.
And TBH I’m so much calmer and happier when I let myself observe and celebrate the ways he’s finding to navigate demands on his own, rather than play the tired role of Mommy Enforcer.
If only one could always remember to choose curiosity over commands…
I’d love to hear what’s changing YOUR life right now! Drop a comment below, and if any of this resonated, tap the ❤️ or share. You’re awesome.