I’m an introverted girl. When I see a social engagement coming up on the calendar, I feel a gnarl of dread tightening my chest. Recently, I’ve begun to recognize my anxiety for what it is: A fear of uncertainty.
Who will I talk to? What will we talk about? How can I gracefully end one conversation and move to another? Or what if no one talks to me at all and I’m left standing alone in the corner with my drink and a sad plate of chips?
Which makes me laugh because an introvert’s heaven is being left alone!
This month I had a few chances to level-up my people-ing skills, gatherings of total or mostly strangers.
The first was a meet-up of local Substack writers on a rainy Wednesday at a bar 23 miles and a bridge away from my house, organized by
and .As I sat in my car clutching my umbrella before entering, I made one promise to myself, “No holding back.” Meaning, if something occurred to me to say, ask, do, exclaim, I wouldn’t let censoring thoughts like, “They’ll think that’s weird,” or, “I shouldn’t be too enthusiastic, nosy, familiar, etc.” hold me back.
This promise led to a funny exchange with
, whose thoughtful, encouraging newsletter I’ve subscribed to since my early days here, and whom I enthusiastically cornered for a hug and some eager peppering about one of his most recent posts.The promise also helped me connect quickly and deeply with a few fellow female writers like
, and a few others, around issues of caretaking and creativity, how to ship work without being too perfectionistic, and ways to find more readers.I left inspired, buzzing. Getting positive feedback about what I’m trying to do here in this newsletter—so many folks saying, “Yes! I need that!”—and swapping information and commiseration, helped me to remember those special gifts in-person conversations can bring—connection, synchronicity, creativity.
There were so many folks I didn’t get to talk to, I left with a tinge of regret over the stories left on the table. Next time!
With the holidays coming up, I spy a few more social engagements on the horizon. I fully acknowledge the dread of uncertainty as they draw near.
But I’ll also remember my new motto. No holding back. It’s not elegant or profound. But it’s a likely recipe for a lovelier life.
I loved meeting you and hope to connect again soon! Meeting you was one of the highlights of our Substack writers evening :-) I love the work you’re doing and look forward to reading your posts! You are so inspiring, and your work totally resonates❤️
I'm bowing out of two social engagements so... I hear ya!