CHANGING MY LIFE: ROCKING IN-PERSON PEOPLE-ING

December 2023

I’m an introverted girl. When I see a social engagement coming up on the calendar, I feel a gnarl of dread tightening my chest. Recently, I’ve begun to recognize my anxiety for what it is: A fear of uncertainty.

Who will I talk to? What will we talk about? How can I gracefully end one conversation and move to another? Or what if no one talks to me at all and I’m left standing alone in the corner with my drink and a sad plate of chips?

Photo by Michael Discenza on Unsplash

Which makes me laugh because an introvert’s heaven is being left alone!

This month I had a few chances to level-up my people-ing skills, gatherings of total or mostly strangers.

The first was a meet-up of local Substack writers on a rainy Wednesday at a bar 23 miles and a bridge away from my house, organized by

Bowen Dwelle

and

Alyssa Polizzi

. 

As I sat in my car clutching my umbrella before entering, I made one promise to myself, “No holding back.” Meaning, if something occurred to me to say, ask, do, exclaim, I wouldn’t let censoring thoughts like, “They’ll think that’s weird,” or, “I shouldn’t be too enthusiastic, nosy, familiar, etc.” hold me back.

This promise led to a funny exchange with

Lyle McKeany

, whose thoughtful, encouraging newsletter I’ve subscribed to since my early days here, and whom I enthusiastically cornered for a hug and some eager peppering about one of his most recent posts. 

The promise also helped me connect quickly and deeply with a few fellow female writers like

Aurora Klaeboe Berg

,

Alice Chen

and a few others, around issues of caretaking and creativity, how to ship work without being too perfectionistic, and ways to find more readers. 

I left inspired, buzzing. Getting positive feedback about what I’m trying to do here in this newsletter—so many folks saying, “Yes! I need that!”—and swapping information and commiseration, helped me to remember those special gifts in-person conversations can bring—connection, synchronicity, creativity.

There were so many folks I didn’t get to talk to, I left with a tinge of regret over the stories left on the table. Next time!

With the holidays coming up, I spy a few more social engagements on the horizon. I fully acknowledge the dread of uncertainty as they draw near.

But I’ll also remember my new motto. No holding back. It’s not elegant or profound. But it’s a likely recipe for a lovelier life.