FIELDING SHITTY SHOULDS IN THE GROCERY STORE PARKING LOT
AN EXPERIMENT UPDATE
Two weeks ago I wrote about an experiment I’m running to “be my own boss” in order to complete an ambitious writing deadline. How it started. Today, I’ve got a little update on how it’s going.
Yesterday morning I was running late because I got a flat tire on the bridge. (Fun story, tune in for more next week! Also, important side note: why don’t we have a more elegant way to say “yesterday morning”? Like yestermorn? Or mornpast?)
Anyway, due to said flat tire, I decided I should save some time by picking up lunch at the grocery store first thing, so I’d be able to work through lunch later in the day. Maybe make up for the time I’d lost waiting by the side of the highway then driving at a crawl on the spare tire.
As I hustled my salad, some popcorn, and a ridiculously expensive apple across the parking lot back the car, my inner boss kicked into high gear.
Okay! We’re behind! You need to try to get a lot more done today! You should work faster to get through task A. Then ram through task B. And don’t forget task C! You HAVE TO get that taken care of today, no matter what!!
Sorry for all the exclamation points, but this chick was getting seriously worked up. The smell of defeat wafted dangerously close, and she was clearly sure that only a consistent barrage of sneering disparagement would spare us certain death and humiliation. Hopeless failure! You’re doomed! You’ve GOT TO squeeze in more work today!!
I sighed and hit pause on the boss lady. I’d been on her frantic, shitty Should Train too many times to count. The destination was nowhere pretty.
It occurred to me to wonder for the first time what would happen if I took a look in the opposite direction from my brain’s bossy “should”s. Might there also be some things I shouldn’t be doing?
Perhaps I shouldn’t attempt more than I have the physical and mental capacity to accomplish today?
Maybe I shouldn’t deride the forward progress I have been making by focusing solely on the progress I have yet to make?
Was it also possible that I shouldn’t pin my present and future worth as a human being on ticking off the A, B, C tasks today?
When projects get behind, when bosses lose touch with reality, what’s the best way to proceed?
TWO STEPS TO TALK DOWN AN UNREASONABLE, DEMANDING BOSS (ESPECIALLY IF THAT BOSS IS YOU)
Listen to their demand-y whining about how you should do xyz faster, better, stronger. Acknowledge the good intentions behind the shitty “should”s: “I get it. You’re feeling like getting these things done will mean meeting my goals. You’re thinking that if I then meet this goal, I’ll get to accomplish a greater contribution to the world and possibly finally achieve that elusive feeling known as ‘arrived’.”
Rummage around for your deepest why’s and reflect them back to your boss. These can become a source of motivation—not for whipping yourself into taking panicked action, but instead, for holding more firmly to your boundaries:
-Because I care about my words and their impact in the world...
-Because I care about getting this work accomplished without burning out and risking losing the message altogether…
-Because I love my people with every fiber of my being…
-Because it’s a beautiful day and I’ve been blessed with this opportunity…
I will work at the pace that feels good, the pace that feels human.
I will celebrate my progress and stop comparing it to some ideal, parallel-universe me that miraculously got 100% of the crap done on her list today.
I will attempt to immerse myself in my work without constantly thinking of the next task, foolishly imagining that stressing over that-thing-I’m-not-doing can somehow help me “go faster.”
I will do these things. And also, I probably should.
love this experiment!!