Is turning 49 harder than turning 50?
Happy Birthday to Me
Today I turn 49.
I don’t know why, but the ‘9’ years have always felt more consequential for me, more reflective than the years I turned the official ‘0’. Does this happen for you, too?
My last year in my 40s! Hard to believe. I’m not scared or sad to turn 50 a year from now. Sure, I might be that much closer to “the end,” but who knows? The other side could be something outrageously cool! Or it could just be nothing, in which case, I won’t really care… because I’ll be dead!
Looking back, it’s been an incredible decade. As in, it’s genuinely hard for me to believe all of the experiences ten years can bring.
Ten years ago, I wasn’t writing at all. Now I have a newsletter with over 400 subscribers (and growing), have had multiple essays published, and have a book proposal that’s in somewhere in the sixth inning of being finished.
Ten years ago, at 1 and 3, my kids weren’t quite people yet. I had no idea what brilliant, funny, warm, interesting humans they’d turn out to be, and how much I would enjoy spending time with them. (Just spent 3 nights away at a conference and can’t wait to have some hang time with them!)
Ten years ago, I didn’t have much of an idea what ADHD was beyond “kids who are hyper and can’t sit still.” Now I’ve lived 4 years of #ADHDmomlife, and want to help other parents navigate these choppy, adventure-filled waters.
I’m a different person than I was at 39—I’ve got more skills, self-confidence, and self-love than 39-year-old me ever dreamed of, thanks to the trajectory that Ten-years-ago Me kicked off.
I have been feeling something with this birthday approaching—uncertainty, questioning. Where am I now? Where do I want to be? (With so much less kicking myself than I did at 29 or 39. Beautiful progress!) A theme that’s emerging for me this upcoming decade is, “I’ve still got so much time!”
Approaching this milestone birthday has kicked up my desire to go after some long-forgotten dreams: finally run a dang marathon, become fluent in Spanish, to get this book published! (Alongside growing my parent coaching business and, you know, taking care of my family, contributing to my community, etc… Hello, ambition? Haven’t seen you in awhile… Let’s go!)
Will I be able to fulfill all of these ambitious dreams? Maybe. More importantly, will I feel perfectly happy and satisfied if I do, and miserable and worthless if I don’t?
Definitely not.
If I’ve learned one thing in this decade, it’s that happiness and satisfaction is what we find after we’ve embraced imperfection—which includes our so-called “failures.”
So sign me up for another decade of living, learning, dreaming and failing. And for soaking up as much contentment and joy as I can along the way.
Thank you for sharing this! I agree that the 9s are harder than the actual new decade birthdays... I also struggle with the 5s - the halfway point when you are officially closer to the next decade than the previous one. (I have a 5 - 45 to be exact - coming up in just under two months. As you say, these are beautiful opportunities to reflect. I think that's what these milestone - or almost-milestone - birthdays are all about: celebrating how far we've come, setting intentions for the next 1, 2, or 10 years, and basically learning about ourselves a little bit more. I'm glad your blog showed up in my "Substack Reads" newsletter today!
Happy birthday!!
What a lovely reflective piece.
I’m going to be 48 in a couple of months and I have found that this year has been a lot more introspective. A big part is due to our kids getting older and another planning to leave the nest next year.
Like you, I’m so grateful that there is so much to look forward to and grateful for the growth from the years past.