Well, folks, I’m here with an update on the doorstep reset today, the experiment I set out to do this month that uses crossing the threshold of my front door as a signal to switch gears and be more mindful.
And the results are: a big, fat reality check.
I’ve managed to come through my front door approximately 162 times this past month, and I’ve successfully used that moment to shift my mindset a whole zero of them.
Mostly I’ve blown through the door, forgetting to do or think anything different, then at some later point, usually bedtime, remembering, “Oh, yeah. I forgot.” Mindless habits die hard.
I did get a very cute bell to hang on the door. This visual cue and its quiet clinking did sometimes help me remember to ask, “What do I want to let go of? Step into?” But the question slipped away just as quickly as it came, as I rushed to get the groceries set down, or into the dining room to interrogate a kid about homework that needed finishing.
The day I published the Reset experiment was particularly embarrassing. I raced from managing a bake sale at my daughter’s school to storming into the house without so much as a hello, frantically yelling like a crazy lady for everyone to get their shoes on already, hurry up, we were already late for parent conferences!
I know I’ve got a choice point here. I can beat myself up about my total lack of awareness this month, or I can get curious. What do I notice about what was hard for me? What can I learn?
We spend so much time on autopilot—one study showed that we spend about 47% of our time doing one thing while our minds are on something else. But autopilot doesn’t mean bad. It just means unaware.
And unaware isn’t bad. It just means I’m more focused on thoughts in my head than whatever I am experiencing directly through my five senses. And maybe sometimes I want to be more focused on my thoughts—I’m executing something important, or problem-solving a tricky relationship question.
I love that my flop this month prompts me to remember that failing to “be mindful” isn’t a problem, or something to judge. It can just be something to notice, another opportunity to break-up with my perfectionist fantasies of becoming the Ultimate Zen Mom.
Trying and failing at this experiment also helped me see how my squirrel brain is running a mile a minute when I come through the door. If I want to use this doorstep moment to take a pause, I’m going need a mantra that’s a little simpler and less eloquent than “What do I want to let go of? What do I want to step into?”
So, I’m changing up the experiment in the next month to see what I can discover. For now the experiment will be to use a quick three word check-in to pull myself ever-so-briefly into the present moment when I come through the front door.
Feet. Head. Heart.
To feel my feet. Planted, arriving. To notice where my head’s at, observing the current jumbling flow. And to check-in with my heart and assess—might it be available to open just a fraction more in the next few moments?
My doorstep reset doesn’t need to become a perfectionist cudgel I use to slam myself for doing life on autopilot. Instead, I’m hoping it can be more like a cheer of celebration whenever I do happen to remember and practice.
Feet. Head. Heart.
I’m here. I’m alive. And I don’t want to miss this.