A One Year Experiment in Enough-ness

The secret to doing something "big"

If you are reading these words, then you have been part of my experiment.

(Sorry I neglected to inform you or gather your consent. Lawyers have been notified.)

When I sat in my car outside a grocery store in Berkeley last March on a lunchtime Zoom with my book coach, the inestimable Jennifer Louden, we were discussing an upcoming essay of mine that was being published, and how to get the word out. She said, "You should start a Substack newsletter! Write about your in-between times and your experiments.”

I nodded coolly and spooned yogurt into my mouth. Sure, a newsletter. I used to have a blog. Write up some stray thoughts every once in awhile. No big deal, right?

“What do you think, like, once a month? Every other week?” I wondered aloud.

She shook her head firmly. “Every week.” The spoon may have fell in my lap.

My first thought was—there is no one on this earth who wants to hear what I think every week, except maybe my mother.

My other first thought was—I will definitely look like an ass.

My second thought—very faint and almost imperceptible—was maybe I could do it. ¹

As of today, I’ve turned that “maybe” into a done-and-dusted. I’ve shown up to write about my experiments, about the life I’m creating in my in-between times, every week for a year. Over 45,000 words.

Of course, the whole thing has been one big experiment: How does a human being who has lived on this earth for 47 years as a-person-who-occasionally-writes-stuff, become, in identity as well as in actuality, “a writer”?

For me, the process has been two-fold:

1. Decide ahead of time what you will consider “enough.”

In her retreats and coaching, Jen, teaches about something she calls “conditions of enoughness”.

Sometimes I call it that, and sometimes I just call it “deciding ahead of time.” But basically, it means giving your brain very specific, concrete details and directions about the outcomes you’ll consider as “enough” for a task.

This matters because our brains are constantly telling us we shouldn’t bother trying to do anything “big,” because we can’t or won’t do “enough.”

-I can’t get in shape because I don’t have “enough” time.

-I can’t write a book because I’m not a good “enough” writer.

-I can’t start my own business because I don’t know “enough.”

But what does enough even mean? Our brain never offers this on its own. So, we have to create a definition for ourselves.

Fairly early on, I decided that “enough” for this newsletter would be four hours. I blocked out four hours hours each week to write, and whatever got drafted, revised, and polished in those hours was what got published at the end of the week.

Doing this, week in, week out, has shown me how it’s possible to shift from 24/7 brain drama—I can’t do this! It’s so hard! This is impossible!—to simply doing the math and finding the glue: choose the hour, show up for the hour, put my butt in the chair, keep my butt in the chair.

Am I always 100% satisfied with every word I put on the page and publish? Nope. Do I sometimes look at a post and think, “I wish I would have written that better”? Yep.

But crafting a perfect masterpiece isn’t in my conditions of enough-ness contract.

When the four hours are up, I let my “enough” be enough, and hit publish.

There have been many, many weeks when my brain fights that I haven’t done “enough.” But if I let doubt win, if I waited until I made every post or idea “perfect” before publishing, there’s no way I’d be standing here today with even half as much done.

If you have a goal—big or small, personal or creative—give yourself the gift of deciding ahead of time what you’ll consider to be “enough,” and hold yourself to it. You’ll be amazed at what you can complete.

2. Work hard to articulate a “why” that matters more than your fear.

I show up every week to write because, as vulnerable as it feels to claim aloud, I believe in the transformative power of these silly experiments I run.

I believe that this message: that we can break-up with do-it-all-ism and perfectionism, that we don’t have put off feeling good in our lives waiting until we’ve achieved or “earned” it, can be life-altering.

I show up every week with hope and intention, determined to carve a path toward the loveliest life possible, right here in the in-between times.

And knowing that you’re here, waiting to wonder, hope, believe and experiment alongside me, is the best glue I could ever dream of to keep my butt in a chair.

So, if you’re here reading this, you have very much been part of what I consider to be a very successful experiment. And I am incredibly grateful for you.

A Living the In-Between Times Birthday Gift from Me to You!

To celebrate the birthday of this space, I’m creating a new offering here for free subscribers! I’m calling it the In-Between Times Library and it will be a series of recorded 5-15 minute workshops to help you find playful, unexpected ways to handle the stress, overwhelm and stuck-ness we can feel in the in-between times of life! Each one will help you design experiments that can take your in-between times from ugh to yess.

Final tech-y details still being worked out, stay tuned next week!

1. Remember how I wrote about how it’s often hard to change our first thoughts, but we can teach ourselves to lean way in and believe our second thoughts? When I started Running Slow AF?

Changing My Life: Running Slow AF