Changing My Life Right Now: April 2023

FLOW, HANAMI, & TAKING THE LONG VIEW

Changing My Life Right Now is my monthly splash of things—books, apps, podcasts, ideas, routines, snacks (mostly popcorn)—that are helping me through the hard at the moment.

What’s hard right now?

• Focusing. My brain isn’t what it used to be, folks. Most days it’s basically an over-caffeinated squirrel who’s squarely convinced that doing seven things at once is an exceptional idea! Failure rate on that at the moment is 100%, but that doesn’t mean she won’t. keep. trying.  

• Figuring out the complicated maze of parenting two tweens. Tbh, I swing from “They’ll be totally fine!” to mentally bracing myself for an immanent parade of visits to the county jail on a weekly basis. (Can we have some #realtalk about the catastrophizing that mama minds can get up to when our kids make even basic mistakes?) My youngest turns 10 and my oldest turns 12 this year. Apparently they need more boundaries than ever, and also way more independence and space to mess up, so for Pete’s sake, stop hovering over them! WTH is a parent to do?

• Spring. Spring assaults me with its beauty each time I step outside. But am I appreciating it enough? Am I living my best Emily Dickinson life?? Shouldn’t I be reading Walden on a picnic blanket in a sea of blooms every ding-dang day?
  Hurry, quick! Relax and enjoy it! It’s almost overrr!!

What’s helping right now?

• FLOW. This little timer app has been so helpful for me in the past week since downloading it! It floats on top of my writing or email as I work on the computer, and automatically switches after 25 minutes to a timed break with a chirpy ding!, which is just so satisfying!

Today I was “working” while my kids were “occupying themselves” on spring break (a.k.a. interrupting mom every 10 minutes to ask for things) and between this thing and my headphones I was able to get a solid 4 hours of work done over a 9-hour day! Plus, watching the little circles fill up as I complete each work block gives me the squirt of dopamine I need to feel like I’m nailing my day like a badass motherflippin’ super hero!

• The Edit Your Life Podcast. Each thoughtful, very specific question asked by host Christine Koh asks has me nodding, “Yeah! I’m wondering the same thing!” If you’re a parent, this episode with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson was a knockout with very usable gems like these: 

Don’t judge adolescence based on what happens in a day, a week, or a month. But instead, think about their progress over time and think, ‘Are they more mature and responsible than they were 6 months ago?’ Your child’s brain won’t finish developing until the mid-to-late twenties. So, sometimes we can look at their behavior and just think, “Thank God the brain is still developing. This is not the final product.” It’s the repeated experiences our kids have over time that will shape who their adult brains become.

On overcompensating with our parenting:

When we’re trying to decide whether or not to step in with our children, we can think “Am I making this decision because it’s truly for my kid’s benefit and development? OR am I doing this because I don’t want to feel the experience of anxiety or because I can’t tolerate my own discomfort in watching my kid struggle or possibly fail?”

• Hanami¹. Each spring I vow to visit a certain cherry tree near my house to witness the magic of the cherry blossoms emerging in real time. And every year I remember about four days after the blossoms have started to fall. Beautiful, but disappointing. This year, I managed to arrive for the glorious start. (There were about 8 blossoms just starting to open yesterday.)
  And I’m here. for. it.

Please tell me you have a tree in your life that you also visit from time to time? Maybe even talk to? (I won’t judge.)

I’d also love to hear what’s been helping your hard lately!

1. The Japanese custom of enjoying the transient cherry blossom season with daytime and evening picnics under the blossoms.