How Do These 6 Substack Writers "Do Life" with More Meaning and Less Futile Striving?
Welcome to the Wonder-Fest
What time is it? Party time!!
Today we’re celebrating the end of our monthlong Wonder Club on Oliver Burkeman’s Meditations for Mortals. There are so many more Wonders we could explore in this book! Here’s what we explored this month:
Week One: What is the opposite of an affirmation?
Week Two: Are you “planning ahead” or lost in the future?
Week Three: The week I did whatever the hell I wanted to
Week Four: How to handle another %$@#! interruption
And today, I’ve got a smashing finale for you. I don’t know about y’all, but I love reading about how other people “do life.” Peeking behind the curtain, hearing how they think about their challenges.
I sent the following questions to 6 writers around Substack, fans of Oliver Burkeman’s work, and boy did they deliver! Grab your drink of choice (I enjoy a good NA beer, personally) and checkout their incredibly reflective responses, then I want to hear what you think in the comments below!
Here are the Wonders we explore:
How do you ensure you make time for the things that make life meaningful despite the endless flow of “deck clearing” tasks that want doing?
Are there any practices that steer you out of constantly feeling in “productivity debt”?
Do you identify with the need to drop the mental load of trying to always live in “the future”?
Today we’re joined by:
Alice Kuipers, Canadian Best-Selling Writer & Book Coach who writes exquisite life lists and runs a Life-Changing Book Club over at Confessions & Coffee.
Barry Brownstein, a former professor whose newsletter Mindset Shifts illuminates and integrates ideas from history’s greatest thinkers with contemporary books, such as his current study of Oliver Burkeman’s 4,000 Weeks.
Daniel Puzzo, a semi-retired English teacher formerly living in Kyiv, now Vienna (maybe hopefully back to Kyiv someday?), and writes the genre-fluid, entertaining Teacher by Trade; Mentor by Mistake.
Emily Conway, who created A Thin Space, a community for those who feel and live deeply, crave healing and wholeness, and like plants and making things.
Heidi Fiedler, enthusiastic children’s book writer and creativity coach at Nebula Notebook who is hosting an intriguiging creativity club starting next week around the ideas in Oliver Burkeman’s 4,000 Weeks.
Leanne Rose Sowul is a writer, educator, and musician who writes Good Character, which explores the character traits that make humans and communities strong.
Let’s dive in!
How do you keep your life from being an exercise in endless “deck clearing,” ensuring you engage in the things that make life meaningful?
From Emily:
For years, I tried to finish each day’s tasks because then, and only then, I could rest. I also had a nebulous larger plan of somehow clearing out my life completely, once the kids got older, once they left the house, once I got my internal life straightened out. Then, at long last, I would be free to choose whatever I wanted to do every day and with my life. I would live in the wide-open space of equanimity and delight. I would be beholden to no one.
I don’t strive for this anymore. Partly, because it is striving, which is, by definition, a lot of work, and partly because if I had nothing to do, no job to look forward to or be compelled to do, I would be either bored or dead. So instead, today, I work not to eliminate tasks, but to be with the ones, enjoyable, painful, tedious, that arrive each day.
I also keep an eye on my larger “goals,” a word that would have scared the pants off me twenty years ago. My younger self thought goals required fulfilling and that they couldn’t change. My current self believes they are malleable and contribute to a present sense of purpose.
All of this is a practice. When I look at the pile of clean laundry on my dining room floor, the emails filing my inbox, I get anxious. I want to clear the floor and empty the box. But I also want to write the next paragraph in my essay. I want to achieve my goal of publishing more work. So, I write in the morning and fold laundry in the evening. Or I write and then read a few emails. Or I lose an hour to scrolling YouTube and attempt to be gentle with my limited, fragile self.
I understand that this practice won’t end until I do. And honestly, that knowledge is a relief. Finally, I can rest.
invites anyone who feels and lives deeply, craves healing and wholeness, and likes plants and making things to join her at A Thin Space.From Alice:
I find this very difficult, so what I tend to do is batch the 'deck clearing' to certain times of day. Some weeks, that's impossible, but when I'm in a good rhythm, I find that if I use an hour or two in the afternoons when I'm more tired, I can get this lighter work done and keep other more 'optimal' times for deep work. I'm also really careful with interruptions from my phone (my children are a different story... see below!) I found the MTO thinking very helpful for my deep work (Minimum, Target, Outrageous Goals). When I've hit the Minimum and the decks are terribly overloaded, then I can get to those tasks and still feel good about achieving what's most important on the page.
writes exquisit life lists and hosts the Life-Changing Book Club over at Confessions and Coffee.Are there any practices that steer you out of constantly feeling in “productivity debt”? Do you use a “done list”?
From Heidi:
For the last few years, I've been keeping a done list instead of a planner. I still use lists, reminders, and a Google calendar. But instead of writing a million things I think I should do on a giant list, I make a daily or weekly list that's actually doable. Then each Friday I write in my "golden notebook" what happened that week.
It's super brief and probably doesn't look that impressive to anyone else, but I include anything that felt meaningful or took significant time and attention, so it might include finishing a manuscript or posting on Substack, but it might also include taking an art class or going to a doctor's appointment.
It feels like a more accurate reflection of my life. I also use little sticky notes to remind myself what I'm working on and then move them to the back of the notebook when I'm done. At the end of the year, I have a log of how I spent my time and energy, and the done section of the notebook with all those colorful sticky notes is very satisfying to flip through! (See a picture of the awesome golden notebook here!)
writes about creativity in motherhood and will be hosting a creative book club on 4.000 Weeks next month over at Nebula Notebook.Do you identify with the need to drop the mental load of trying to always live in “the future”?
From Daniel:
Life has been so turbulent these past couple of years that I hardly know what to focus on the most. The big dilemma facing me now is this: I could live the life I really want (but I can’t and won’t).
I am terrible with interruptions, I can barely work with even the threat of distractions, but when you have a daughter and an ex-wife you’re co-habiting with, these things are inevitable (long story, but we had to leave Ukraine in February 2022 and are now in Vienna living in a messy, cluttered apartment). Even though Burkeman would scold me for thinking a drastic action, and its potential consequences, would lead to any tidy solutions, I’ve lately been craving a solitary existence in western Ireland or the highlands of Scotland where I could read and write alone, to my heart’s content.
But alas…not only would that not help me whittle down my never-ending to-do list and try to make more headway with my fledgling writing ‘career’, but it would take me too far away from my daughter, who I love dearly. I’m the primary caregiver, so even if I wanted to… If I were to do that, I’d probably not be able to think clearly for the guilt and feeling of irresponsibility. It’s a no-go, a dream never meant to be realised. So I’ll just have to persist in carving out the necessary time and learning to deal with distractions...and counting down the years until my daughter is independent enough for me to jet off to wherever strikes my fancy.
writes the genre-fluid, entertaining Teacher by Trade; Mentor by Mistake.What practices do you use (or want to try!) to stop “giving strength” to constantly trying to see around corners, straining to control what might be coming ten steps ahead?
From Leanne:
I see the act of planning for the farther future as an exercise in mental health, and the act of planning for the near future (as in, the next two hours) as vital for managing my energy. To explain: planning things like vacations and date nights, although I know there's always a chance they won't happen, gives me that "anticipatory brain" rush that makes me happy now, so it's always worth it. And planning the next two hours—or next five tasks on my list—allows me to think through my energy as a finite resource. I have a pretty regular body clock, so it's not that I'll run out of time by, say, 8 PM, but I WILL run out of energy, and therefore patience for my family. and a lot of other vital things I need around bedtime.
So, no! I'm not going to stop trying to see around corners or pave the way for the future, because I've reflected on those practices and found solid reasons for doing them. What I do want to improve on is staying fully present during the experiences I most anticipate—like vacations and date nights—and not slip into "future thinking" just because it comes naturally to me.
writes writes Good Character, which explores the character traits that make humans and communities strong.How do you handle and think about “interruptions” in your day? Which interruptions and distractions in your life could use a bit of the “Burkeman treatment”—by accepting and embracing their place in our lives?
From Barry:
Today, my day started with many unexpected interruptions. I was churning and agitated. Here is what I hope I have the willingness (not willpower) to do:
I use non-judgmental awareness to notice as soon as possible I am agitated. This means I don’t justify my reactions, nor do I condemn myself. This is easier said than done, and is a constant practice. Then, despite any residual noise in my head, I immediately get back to the work I value. This acceptance of the messiness of life, rather than resistance, does the heavy lifting.
’s newsletter Mindset Shifts illuminates and integrates ideas from history’s greatest thinkers with contemporary writers.And from Alice, who says:
My phone is a terrible distraction, and I have to limit myself with it all the time. Putting it out of sight really helps limit those interruptions. I also have most notifications off, because once it pings, I'm lost. Once every three months, I sit down and see if the notifications I'm allowing still serve me (my kids can always call, for example).
My children are a distraction I'm able to enjoy more often than not. Burkeman's reminder is useful because it's SO hard to shift gears from writing to jumping around with my kids, but it's (mainly) worth it! I'd add that sometimes I get 'anticipatory' distraction, which means that I don't start something because I'm worried about getting distracted by the kids. I'm trying to teach myself to aim for shorter time windows when they're are around. If I get more time, it becomes a bonus. Which makes life more enjoyable and less frustrating!
And that’s our amazing conversation! Here’s what I’m taking away:
the comfort and empowerment in Emily’s wise words about “being with tasks” and accepting the “limited, fragile self”
Daniel’s poignant, honest struggles with a future he realizes may never come
Barry’s inspirationally simple, doggedly determined approach to life’s interruptions “despite the residual noise” in his head
Alice’s practical and resonant thoughts about ‘anticipatory distraction’
the celebratory joy in Heidi’s simple yet powerful golden notebook
Leanne’s clarity and intentionality in considering planning for the far vs. immediate future
What are you thinking? Party with us in the comments!
Oh my goodness, YOU ARE MY PEOPLE! Thank you for hosting this conversation, Marika. I found so much wisdom in all these layered, very human answers. It's also really comforting to know we're all muddling through together, doing our best to apply these ideas to our lives in small, imperfect ways.
what a wise helpful discussion!!