Sometimes I'm so desperate to finish something (ANYTHING!) that I do work on something simple and doable, so I can actually have that sense of accomplishment. Maybe monks don't need to feel like they're making progress, but I do!
Haha yes, Heidi, I’ve so often felt the same! Like, let me just clean the kitchen one more time—> sparkling counter=something to “show” for my work. I know for a long time I didn’t write because I’d get so caught up in my writing it made me resent anything else… 😬 it’s SO hard to feel divided all day long. And a true spiritual practice to learn to navigate it more gracefully 🫠
"While it’s sweet that Burkeman was able to find a way to enjoy his kid bursting in to interrupt him, if you are a caregiver and you don’t feel merry and delighted by life’s interruptions, nothing has gone wrong. "
Spoken from a true male perspective who has a caretaker (wife/partner/the mother of that child) who is navigating all of the interruptions, of the constant stream of questions, the accidents that require immediate attention and the time/seasons of children where they require at least a general awareness of what they are doing.
As a woman, who has had 5 children (now in her 60's who's youngest is just now turning 21) I can say that there are seasons with children but there will always be interruptions.
As they get older the urgency might change and the frequency, but they still exist.
I wish I'd know about boundaries earlier in life, because you can train them and other responsible adults in your network to give you space. Even if it means that naptime is from 1-3 every day. If you're not of the napping age you need to read or entertain yourself quietly - preferably on your bed or in your room during that time. And even then, you will be interrupted.
Beyond that one needs to have grace for themselves and realize that life is lived in the mess. And all of those interruptions are part of your story and theirs.
Thanks for this thoughtful comment, Jill. I started writing on this topic even more today. I guess I have a lot to say here so maybe there’s another essay coming! One of the things I thought about was that these moments are a part of my kids story and I don’t want them to feel like they are a bother to me. So it’s a real dilemma! And most certainly a practice in giving grace… 🙏
Oh, yes, to this! I actually wrote about it in the first few months of pandemic life, when we were adjusting to having a preschooler around during our working day. My mom came to help - how lucky we were! - but it didn't fully quell the interruptions. It is super hard to think in 3-minute chunks, even more so with ADHD or other neurodivergence. https://medium.com/@windbarb/3-minutes-24-seconds-e9f418dd39bd
Great post, and you might recall my affinity for Burkeman. Well, in this case, I'm firmly in your camp and I'm ready to tell good ol' Oliver to go to hell! 😂
It might be my own failings, but I can't handle distractions at all. Not only that, but I can't even handle the mere threat of possibly being distracted, to the extent that I can really only get work done when I'm alone at home and I know 100% no one will be disrupting me.
I've even tried playing around with doing different tasks depending on when I might get interrupted but the unpredictability and uncertainty of when that might be throws me off.
I have a 6 year old daughter and she's a sweetheart and after school she loves dancing and playing music and there's no way I can tell her not to do that when I see what joy it brings her. But yet...when it's happening, I'm useless and I get flustered and agitated and try not to blow my cool, but...
Even worse is my ex-wife. We still live together (long story) and have our separate areas, and we've tried to set boundaries and rules -for example, if I have headphones on, do not interrupt unless it's literally life or death. But then she'll regularly interrupt to say 'oh, I bought more sugar, we were running low' and I want to respond with 'well, thank you SO EFFING MUCH, I DON'T EVEN USE SUGAR!!!' (which is true)
Okay, rant over. I could go on and on and bore you to tears with this! 😭😂
Yeah, Daniel, I feel the frustration here!! I think the problem is shared with my passion for writing. Meaning, I care so much about it that I want to lose myself in it completely and not have to divide my attention between one love and another? Maybe you feel the same?
100%. That's exactly it. I know there are different routines for different writers and conflicting advice, but I know myself well enough to know that I just can't handle interruptions. All I crave is my own workspace where I know I won't be disturbed, mainly during the day when my daughter is at school. I don't think that's a terribly unreasonable request!
Sometimes I'm so desperate to finish something (ANYTHING!) that I do work on something simple and doable, so I can actually have that sense of accomplishment. Maybe monks don't need to feel like they're making progress, but I do!
Haha yes, Heidi, I’ve so often felt the same! Like, let me just clean the kitchen one more time—> sparkling counter=something to “show” for my work. I know for a long time I didn’t write because I’d get so caught up in my writing it made me resent anything else… 😬 it’s SO hard to feel divided all day long. And a true spiritual practice to learn to navigate it more gracefully 🫠
"While it’s sweet that Burkeman was able to find a way to enjoy his kid bursting in to interrupt him, if you are a caregiver and you don’t feel merry and delighted by life’s interruptions, nothing has gone wrong. "
Spoken from a true male perspective who has a caretaker (wife/partner/the mother of that child) who is navigating all of the interruptions, of the constant stream of questions, the accidents that require immediate attention and the time/seasons of children where they require at least a general awareness of what they are doing.
As a woman, who has had 5 children (now in her 60's who's youngest is just now turning 21) I can say that there are seasons with children but there will always be interruptions.
As they get older the urgency might change and the frequency, but they still exist.
I wish I'd know about boundaries earlier in life, because you can train them and other responsible adults in your network to give you space. Even if it means that naptime is from 1-3 every day. If you're not of the napping age you need to read or entertain yourself quietly - preferably on your bed or in your room during that time. And even then, you will be interrupted.
Beyond that one needs to have grace for themselves and realize that life is lived in the mess. And all of those interruptions are part of your story and theirs.
Thanks for this thoughtful comment, Jill. I started writing on this topic even more today. I guess I have a lot to say here so maybe there’s another essay coming! One of the things I thought about was that these moments are a part of my kids story and I don’t want them to feel like they are a bother to me. So it’s a real dilemma! And most certainly a practice in giving grace… 🙏
Oh, yes, to this! I actually wrote about it in the first few months of pandemic life, when we were adjusting to having a preschooler around during our working day. My mom came to help - how lucky we were! - but it didn't fully quell the interruptions. It is super hard to think in 3-minute chunks, even more so with ADHD or other neurodivergence. https://medium.com/@windbarb/3-minutes-24-seconds-e9f418dd39bd
Great post, and you might recall my affinity for Burkeman. Well, in this case, I'm firmly in your camp and I'm ready to tell good ol' Oliver to go to hell! 😂
It might be my own failings, but I can't handle distractions at all. Not only that, but I can't even handle the mere threat of possibly being distracted, to the extent that I can really only get work done when I'm alone at home and I know 100% no one will be disrupting me.
I've even tried playing around with doing different tasks depending on when I might get interrupted but the unpredictability and uncertainty of when that might be throws me off.
I have a 6 year old daughter and she's a sweetheart and after school she loves dancing and playing music and there's no way I can tell her not to do that when I see what joy it brings her. But yet...when it's happening, I'm useless and I get flustered and agitated and try not to blow my cool, but...
Even worse is my ex-wife. We still live together (long story) and have our separate areas, and we've tried to set boundaries and rules -for example, if I have headphones on, do not interrupt unless it's literally life or death. But then she'll regularly interrupt to say 'oh, I bought more sugar, we were running low' and I want to respond with 'well, thank you SO EFFING MUCH, I DON'T EVEN USE SUGAR!!!' (which is true)
Okay, rant over. I could go on and on and bore you to tears with this! 😭😂
Yeah, Daniel, I feel the frustration here!! I think the problem is shared with my passion for writing. Meaning, I care so much about it that I want to lose myself in it completely and not have to divide my attention between one love and another? Maybe you feel the same?
100%. That's exactly it. I know there are different routines for different writers and conflicting advice, but I know myself well enough to know that I just can't handle interruptions. All I crave is my own workspace where I know I won't be disturbed, mainly during the day when my daughter is at school. I don't think that's a terribly unreasonable request!