My First Fatherless Father's Day

Last week, I sat folding laundry on my bed, trying to avoid thinking about Father’s Day. A father’s day without a dad. How sad.

But what we resist, persists. The harder my brain tried to stop thinking about it, the more it nagged at me. So, as I smoothed the creases from an old t-shirt, I decided to go in the other direction for a minute, to get curious about what I felt building up inside.

It’s not as if we had any big Father’s Day traditions in my family. Father’s Day was just a day I’d specifically call, text, write in a card, or tell my dad–I love you. Thank you for being a part of my life. You did a good job.

Photo by Kate Macate on Unsplash

But this year, he wasn’t here for me to tell. My eyes filled with tears as I continued smoothing and folding and stacking. Then, I thought about something I’d told my daughter as we discussed her upcoming sleepaway camp.

We can feel more than one thing at a time.

We can feel sad about missing our family and also excited about having a new experience. We can feel nervous while also feeling curious or proud or joyful.

We can feel more than one thing. And, perhaps more importantly, we can choose the feelings we want to focus on. How do I want to feel on Father’s Day? I asked myself, as the stacks of folded clothes grew higher.

This turned out to be the question I needed. I realized what I wanted to feel on Father’s Day was grateful. Grateful to have had the experience of having my dad for the time that I had it.

I also wanted to feel love. The love I have for my dad hasn’t gone anywhere. If anything, it feels stronger and more real than ever.

And yes, strangely, I wanted to feel a little bit sad. Because he isn’t here. And I couldn’t hand him a card or hold his hand or hug him hard and say, I love you. Thank you for being a part of my life. You did a good job.

So that’s how I spent my first fatherless Father’s Day—feeling love, gratitude, and a bit of sadness. I miss him. He did a good job.