For the Mamas Out There Who Also Nailed that Big Stroller Decision

Reviewing my Choices, 12.5 Years Later

ICYMI while you were out living your in-between times!

Here was March’s experiment:

And you can listen to this conversation I had over at

Fatherhood Dojo

about a family experiment (we only make requests!) that’s had some big repercussions in my house:

How to create a Teamwork Culture in a Family

I’m working on a piece about April’s experiment that will be published in a couple of weeks. There’s a Rumi angle, and it’s been busting my perfectionism wide open… Stay tuned!

---

Last week some of my thoughts were included in Emma del Ray’s powerful compilation post about about the expectations we carry into motherhood. (Mine are included, alongside powerful insights from

Lauren Barber

,

Ellie Nova

,

Sarina Zoe

,

Eva Lydon

, and

Kaitlyn Elizabeth

.)

It’s a beautiful read. If you’re a parent, dive in. I’m sure you’ll resonate with many of the thoughts shared here.

Our Expectations of Motherhood

As I read through others’ thoughts, it occurred to me that I never spent much time thinking about how media and advertising has influenced so much of my thinking about motherhood.

I suddenly remembered how when I was pregnant, choosing a stroller seemed like the most vital and important decision one could make. Get it right, and you’d march into motherhood smug, ready for a life of ease. Get it wrong, and you were surely setting yourself up for years of misery.

Photo by Kyaw Zay Ya on Unsplash

I spent hours researching cribs, changing tables, swaddles, baby monitors, diapers.

But I had little idea that I’d already made the most important choice that would largely determine my experience of motherhood: my choice of partner.

Not because he’d be a “good dad.” He is. But more importantly, he’s a good colleague.

It turns out, having someone who is willing and capable of jumping in to share the tremendous workload of parenting, who takes responsibility, and can self-regulate his own emotions has been incalculable. Working side-by-side with someone who tackles an incredibly complex and demanding job primarily by responding instead of reacting has made an enormous difference.

It seems obvious in hindsight, but my choice of life partner has far and away impacted my experience of motherhood more than anything I registered for at Babys R Us.

I spent lots of time pre-motherhood pondering the wrong things. It makes me wonder what I’m focused on right now that I will look back and think is utterly stupid and beside the point?

I guess I can take some consolation in the fact that even when I’m focused on the wrong things, I can still unknowingly be making great choices about the actual future difference-makers.

(And in case you’re wondering, the stroller worked out great.)

Here’s the post reflecting out Expectations and Motherhood:

Our Expectations of Motherhood